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Then I'd start to get ready. I was also going to feed my baby from his bottle for lunch so I would be very full of milk for Denise.I am a chicken! I totally chickened out with Denise, but I still wanted to try.I did nurse in front of her again and did not even try to cover up at all. I watched Denise as she stared at my breasts, she must have told me 10 times that I had beautiful boobs. I wanted to invite her to feel and taste but I was so afraid of rejection that I didn't. Instead I was left to some very intense masturbation right after she left.So I talked myself into trying again the following Monday. I invited Denise over for lunch, but my baby was very fussy and I had too many distractions to get alone with her.I still had an urgent desire for it to happen.Denise was so interested in my nursing, one of my nipples was leaking and she picked up a cloth, I reached out to take it. Denise was going to wipe it for me, I just reacted with out thinking. Damn reflexes.We had a work out. I found out that most physicists studiously avoid the reality question. Ann on the other hand is looking at it in some profound ways. Ann has her head on straight and is helping me get straightened out too. She is also such a nice person.’ There were some neat group discussions too. The girls very much treated me as just another member of the group. That felt really good. At one point I had been talking about Tao and how it was a no-thing as opposed to nothing and how it does nothing and by doing nothing leaves nothing undone. Ruth asked me if I believed in God. I answered: ‘That depends on what you mean by God. If by the word God you mean the old Guy with the long white beard who wears a flowing robe and sits on a golden throne in far away heaven, then no. I do not believe that that God exists or more accurately I believe that that God exists only as a thought-form. Thought-forms exist as proto-life and are created by the minds of sentient beings. Likewise, I believe that Satan is.
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